[This is one of the quotes from her post.]
"He never took me on official dates, and he never held my hand or kissed me or did all the usual things a boy would do if he has feelings for a girl. But I told myself he would come around. I just needed to be patient, right? And maybe he was shy? And maybe he took out other girls (and not me) because he was intimidated by me and those other girls were safe...?"
This is all too familiar, right? We've all been there before. We can all relate. Boys kind of suck sometimes. They lead you on; they break your heart. They say they'll call or text, so you sit by your phone all night waiting, checking it every 5 seconds because you "think you felt it vibrate." They say "oh hey we should hang out this weekend" so you get all dressed up and sit there, waiting, rejecting any other offers, just in case they call you. [which...they never do.] They flirt with you like crazy, but don't ever ask you out on a date. WHAT IS THIS? Why are the brains' of the male species programmed so differently than ours?
Trust me. I have been there. Too many times.
But as I was reading this post, I thought back on mine and H's relationship. I'm sure many of you have heard about the beginning stages of our relationship. [Some of you were even there to experience it with me!]
H has always been on the quiet side. He is very reserved and likes to keep to himself. I, on the other hand, am pretty much on the opposite side of the spectrum. I have always been loud and outgoing and very forward. [Sometimes even to a fault.] But you know what they say: opposites attract. The second I saw him, I wanted to get to know him. But once my friends told me that he was really shy and never took girls out on dates, only one thought crossed my mind: challenge accepted. Seriously. From there on out it was Game On.
Have you ever seen He's Just Not That Into You? Where the girl just takes everything the wrong way, and twists everything in her mind to convince herself that the guy likes her? And basically stalks him and thinks it's cute but really it's just creepy?
THAT WAS ME.
Guys, seriously. I am almost embarrassed to admit how much of a stalker I was. But for the sake of this blog post, I will be completely honest. I stalked. Like, we're talking hard core. As in going through his pictures on Facebook over and over again. As in commenting on his pictures and then deleting it really quick, so he would get the notification but not see anything, and then hopefully he would think about me enough to text me? [Don't ask me where that logic came from. OH WAIT: Morgan Bagley Gillespie!]* As in driving out of my way to drive past places I thought he might be. As in texting him one night inviting him to hang out, and then when he didn't reply, I'd just go ahead and text him the next night too. And the next. And the next. Seriously. The ratio of texts I sent him to texts he sent me was probably 15:1. It's embarrassing to think about. But at the time, I would always justify my actions. When my friends would tell me that he wasn't into me and that I needed to move on, I would tell myself they were wrong. That he just needed time because he was so shy. That he was intimidated by me. That eventually he would want me. So I was persistent. And I was available.
And you know what? Eventually he started taking me on dates. And we would "date" for a week or two. And then he would break up with me to "figure things out" or to "date other people." Okay, this whole breaking up with me and then getting back together thing went on for 5 months. 5 MONTHS PEOPLE. And I remember so many of my friends telling me countless times that I needed to give up, and that I should move on. But I could never do it. I was holding onto this man that I was hopelessly in love with, in the hopes that one day he would love me as much as I loved him.
I remember though, the very last time that we broke up. I remember it like it was yesterday. It was after church cleaning, and he walked me out to the benches behind the church building. I told him that I didn't like not knowing how he felt. That I was in love with him, but that I didn't want to be with him if he didn't want to be with me.
And you know what happened next? He told me that we needed to break up. For good.
I remember my heart dropping into my stomach. I remember fighting back the tears, because I didn't want him to know how much it killed me. I remember smiling at him and saying "okay" and then standing up to leave. I remember him hugging me tight, and I remember not wanting to ever let him go. I remember watching him walk to his car, and I remember getting into my own car, and bursting into tears the second I shut the door.
And then I had a very long conversation with some friends about how I should never be anyone's backup plan. That I should be their priority. That I shouldn't have to fight so hard for someone's love or attention. That I deserved to be treated like a queen and that I should never settle for anything less.
That week, I really took those words and lessons to heart. I went on 2 dates with other guys. I tried not to pay attention to anything H did. When he would text me to see how I was doing, I wouldn't reply. When I saw him at church or FHE, I would ignore him. I would focus on other things and other people, and act as if my heart wasn't breaking every single time I saw him or thought of him.
AND THEN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED?
That week that he broke up with me, he texted me like 5 times! [HA! Now look at that texting ratio, people!] And one day, I got a text from him asking me to meet up with him to talk. And long story short, he told me that he realized that he was in love me and that he didn't want to ever live without me.
And now here I am, married to the love of my life, and guess what? He is completely in love with me. And it is the most amazing feeling in the entire world. And even if he didn't tell me all the time how much he loves me, I would be able to tell from the way he looks at me and the way he treats me. It really is the best. And remember how at the beginning I said "challenge accepted?" Well I definitely won this one. ;)
So yeah, I totally agree with that other blog post. I don't think you should fall so hard for someone and be so persistent that you are basically just trying to change their mind, even when you know it's not going to happen. Because you really don't want to have to convince someone to love you. And because 9.8 times out of 10, you're going to get hurt. [Because boys are stupid. And they suck.]
But I do think there is an exception to the rule. I am the exception to the rule. Yes, I was persistent and annoying [and a stalker to the max] and sometimes I even felt like I was trying to convince him... but you know what? I can honestly say that I never once thought to myself that it wasn't going to work out. Now, that's not to say that I didn't get my hopes up way too many times just to get my heart broken... But somehow, I always knew that it would work out. That's why I stuck around for so long and never gave up.
I have always known it was him...
And if that's the reason you are sticking around, then good for you. But if you're just sticking around because you like the chase [YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE] then please. I beg of you. Just stop. Before you get hurt. [Or before you hurt yourself even more.]
xoxo,
Victoria Farnsworth
*Once H and I were engaged, he told me that every time he gets a notification, it goes to his email. So when I "cleverly" commented on his picture [something about him being the best] [kill me now?] and then deleted it right away, he still got an email telling him exactly what I said. Awkward.
